Experts say kids should eat vegetables. And kids say experts should eat them! Meanwhile, here we are, mothers, caught in the middle of that crossfire, pulling out crazy tricks for children to eat vegetables. I’ve tried everything, even marketing tactics: I once dressed up as a VIP! (Very Important Pea). You may think it’s crazy… and it is… but, let’s see, I said to myself: a mascot always works. Well, it’s clear that, in this case, it didn’t: while Marie and Emma looked at me with a mocking look, David broke down in tears, heartbroken. I suppose he thought that the giant pea had eaten his mother.
Still, I’m convinced that marketing is the key – a technique that can sell a rubber doo-doo that smells like real doo-doo! That makes me wonder: when will a YouTuber praise vegetables and make children ask for them for Christmas? Imagine one of those girls that they like so much, that prescribe food and teaches them to eat everything. “Hi, friends, today I’m going to eat cauliflower.” Or, “Welcome to my channel. I’m gonna teach you how to make your own homemade cabbage.” Teaching them how to cook vegetables would really help, not that slime crap! And what’s that slime thing for? Anyway. Until they find a way for that to happen, I’m going to tell you some tricks to make children eat vegetables that have worked for me.
The other day, David was eating mashed zucchinis while Emma and Maria ate them in a batter. Everything was going suspiciously well… I had managed to please the children and the experts! I felt like the F****** Master of the Universe! Until my mother showed up. I knew, suddenly, that she would be harder to please. What are you eating, she asked. I knew it was NOT an innocent question. My most primitive senses were put on alert. “Oh, honey, really?” she reproached me, “how can you let David eat with his hands? You must give it to him! And the girls? It’s pure fat! Tell me, at least, that it’s olive oil!” “Yes, Mom”, I answered, “these are tricks I have for them to eat vegetables”. That’s when the Pandora’s box opened. “Tricks for kids to eat vegetables? Back in my day, if you didn’t eat them at lunchtime, you ate them for dinner or breakfast! What an idea! What’s next? Put a video of those YouTubers to watch others eat vegetables instead of them?”
I’m a mother, but that doesn’t mean I’m buying it all. Certainly not reproaches. And that’s it.