When you become a mother, you’re given superpowers. For example, you can now taste food at magma temperature without getting burned, you’re able to develop cheetah reflexes, and you’re surprisingly able to smash any kind of insect, no matter how big and hairy it is. But life isn’t all that rosy! With the first child, many fears of motherhood (a.k.a maternal neurosis) appear. You know, that thing that makes us suddenly crazy if we lose sight of our kid even though it’s only for a thousandth of a second.
But it was only a moment! You greeted your neighbor in the street and suddenly she’s not there; you looked up at the cafe corridor and suddenly she’s not there; you blinked in the park and suddenly she’s not there. SHE IS NOT THERE! Then you panic, cold sweat runs down your back and your head starts to spin. Only during that thousandth of a second that has taken you to lose your child from sight, you have already wondered how much they will ask for the ransom, valued the loan you will have to ask, made an argument to convince the social worker not to take the custody when she appears, recreated your mother’s anger while announcing that she is disinheriting you, mentally signed the divorce with your husband and visualized dying alone and surrounded by cats.
But wait! Th-ere, she-is! She’s been there the whole time, in front of you. Maternal neurosis blinds you, no doubt. But it won’t happen to you anymore! The very next day you buy her a little flashy coat, so bright that high-visibility reflective vests are nothing in comparison. It doesn’t matter: the blinding veil of maternal neurosis transforms it into a camouflage military uniform as soon as she moves two meters away from you.
It may seem that this neurotic condition is an evil that every mother overcomes over the years… wrong! Fears of motherhood come along with us all our lives. That’s why my mother keeps asking me not to be late and starts calling me on the phone if I’m five minutes late. “Mom, I’m already thirty-something!” “Oh, and do not forget to put a jacket!”
I’m a mother, so I set up an Oscar-worthy horror movie when something doesn’t go as expected. And that’s it.