Being a mom during confinement means to multiply yourself at least three times. Remember when we thought confinement was going to end by Easter? Look, a chance to get the work-life balance! That is what most mums thought … What fools we were! What a childish innocence! … More than a month later, locked up at home with three children, with homework, working from home and the news, I realize how fine the line is between conciliation and being a geek. To be a mother in quarantine.

Hey, spending time with the kids is awesome… but by now, I’ve put mine to sell at Craigslist! Apparently, there’s an oversupply… Relax, I’m kidding, I’d never sell my kids… why sell them when I can give them away? Jokes aside (and before some social worker opens quite an uncomfortable investigation) I’ll say that I love my kids a lot, they are my reason to be, my real reason to move forward… also my headache and my backache. Weren’t we being honest?

Three kids in a flat for over a month, for a start, means home renovations! I don’t know if the insurance will cover all the damages caused to walls and windows… I don’t think so, they don’t cover pandemics, natural disasters, nuclear catastrophes, or zombie apocalypse… I swear! I’ve read the policy three times. They always cover their backs! Never mind, I’ll try to keep them in line. But what do I do in the meantime? Plug them into a screen all day? No! Every time my five-year-old daughter goes to the TV, that Poltergeist’s “Go to the light… Carol Anne” echoes in my head. Appalling! No, no screens, what if at some point that sinister medium is going to knock on my door? I buy them books! I thought confinement would save me money! Another proof of my naivety. The money I don’t spend on beers with my friends, I spend it on books! Well, I must say that’s a much more useful way to spend money. It’s an investment! By the way: are you forgetting the bartender’s face too? This is a real drama!

If living together is not always easy, during confinement it becomes a massive task. My husband and I pretend we don’t know each other: when he serves dinner, I treat him as a waiter and ask him for a little more Chardonnay (I’m dreaming, there’s no misery in that); when he comes back from the supermarket with the groceries, I give him a little tip; and if I run into him in the corridor, I wave to him politely, as I would to the doorman. But the best thing comes when we go to bed! We must take advantage of the circumstances, ladies, letting our imagination run wild in these difficult times, works both for children and for any mom during confinement.

And what about the continuous attention the puppies demand?! It’s nonstop. I’m starting to believe that I‘ve developed two brains: one to attend the video conferences for work, and another for any type of requirements from my children. I must admit that I haven’t completely mastered this neurological duality yet. The other day I urged my boss to go and see Peppa Pig while I was telling my little boy’s the latest sales results! Yes, folks, I think I’m walking on very thin ice.

Anyway, this is unbearable. The house is falling on me! I have to look for that website where people are buying dogs, to get one myself and see if that way I can get an excuse to get five minutes for myself. How long does a dog take to go to the toilet?… Cheer up, dads and mums! This will end soon… And you know what’s the best thing? Grandparents will be looking forward to spending time with the grandchildren! I’m gonna go check out at Skyscanner, see how much prices have gone down for a round-the-world trip, and I will forget, for a moment, what it’s like to be a mom during confinement.

I am a mother, so I can say, in view of how long the confinement is going to last: Thank goodness I didn’t get my hair dyed!